Many people consider lobster — or homard as the French would say — to be a delicacy and a special treat. But if you’ve ever eaten lobster seven days in a row, you probably realize that too much of a good thing is… well, too much. This can apply to certain aspects of dialogue as well.
Fiction writers pay great attention to making their characters seem like real people, and that includes the way they speak. It makes sense that a seasoned homicide detective with three well-armed, menacing criminals advancing upon him would exclaim something other than “puddly jump!” upon discovering that he is backed into a corner in an alley and has just run out of bullets.
I have nothing against the use of four-letter words where appropriate in fiction, and this would certainly seem to be one of those cases. So, yes, if I were writing this story, I would certainly use a realistic expletive here befitting both the character and the situation. The problem arises when such words are overused in fiction—in other words, when you have your F-word-flinging character use that word as often as such a person might in real life.
“But isn’t that being realistic?” you ask. “And isn’t that what we fiction writers are supposed to do?”
Yes, and no. We are supposed to make our characters seem realistic, and that is why our detective above would use such an expletive. But just one would be sufficient; he doesn’t have time for another anyway. The reader expects it and even derives some satisfaction from it in this instance. The problem lies when this character’s speech is peppered with such expletives all the time, even when not in moments of great stress. In other words, the reader will tire quickly of hearing this detective constantly speak in the following manner for no good reason:
“Yesterday, while I was driving down the [expletive deleted] highway, I ran out of [expletive deleted] gas and had to coast all the way down the [expletive deleted] ramp only to discover that the [expletive deleted] gas station at the [expletive deleted] exit was [expletive deleted] out of business!”
Okay, maybe use one of these expletives—the last one, perhaps?—but that will do. I mean, really, six in one sentence? A little over the top, wouldn’t you say? Well, maybe you wouldn’t, but trust me, most of your readers would. They might feel so beaten over the head with these slap-you-in-the-face expletives that they have trouble keeping up with the story.
One such book that still sticks in my mind fifty years after reading it is Love Story, by Erich Segal. I was a freshman in college when I read it and couldn’t help but notice that a college student in the novel talked just like my friends and I did now that we were finally released from the controls of our more civilized parents. I realized while reading the novel how true to reality this aspect of Segal’s character was, but I also noticed that seeing that S-word umpteen times per page whenever this character was speaking soon began to irritate me.
Don’t get me wrong, I still liked the novel (I was an 18-year-old female; I had no choice), but the fact that one of the few details I remember about the book is the overuse of such expletives says something important, I think, for us writers to consider when we are tempted to use such words in our fiction.
The same advice applies to dialect: very much is too much. Try using syntax or commonly used colloquial expressions or phrases instead to remind readers that this character is from Jamaica, Pakistan, or the Deep South. Two of my favorite such phrases from the West Indies are “he sent my jumby to the bush!” and “I met it there.” How much more charming than leaving off the final g in an -ing word or misspelling the word there by writing it as they-uh.
Remember: In writing, just as in cooking, a little spice goes a long way. Too much can spoil an otherwise culinary or literary masterpiece.
© 2024 Ann Henry, all rights reserved.
Photo: Homard! Homard! © 2014 Ann Henry, all rights reserved.